What part of "I'm sleeping in" did you not understand?

I know, I know...I'm late again. I really did have every intention of posting this weekend's Top 9 List yesterday morning. However, the computer had other ideas and decided to not want to connect to the Internet. Pretty bad when your plans get foiled by inanimate objects. Such is my life.

Anywho, after a long day at the daily grind, I have for you a very special holiday weekend edition of the Top 9 List. This week I decided to not be so warm and fuzzy and chose to do a list of my not-so-favorite things. I decided this when I was woken up the other morning at 5 by a loud crash. After sitting straight up in bed and nearly knocking out the boyfriend with my swinging arms, I realize that one of the shelves in his floor-to-ceiling bookcase has decided to fall. A great way to wake up. But it did spark some inspiration so read on and enjoy my list of other annoying ways to wake up.

Top 9 Least Favorite (Non-Life Threatening) Ways to Be Woken Up





Even if you're not a parent, the sound of a child screaming or crying in the middle of the night is annoying at best. If you are a parent, it's enough to have you bolting out of bed and racing into your child's room before you're even fully awake.



So rewind to Wednesday morning, around 5 a.m. I'm sleeping peacefully when suddenly there's a loud crash and I'm sitting up and swinging before I've even opened my eyes. Once I calm down my racing heart and realize that the noise was only the shelf falling from the bookcase, I quickly move from panic/fear to annoyance, especially when I see that the shelf has taken with it about half of the Cd's that had been stacked on said shelf. And to top it all off, just as the boyfriend and I lay back down and close our eyes the shelf shifts just a bit more and takes the rest of the Cd's with it. Yay! Now I can go back to sleep thinking about the pile of at least 100 discs at the end of the bed that need to be picked up in the morning. Grrr...



I have an ex (who, for legal reasons, shall remain nameless) who had the lovely habit of shifting his feet in his sleep. He would literally move them back and forth all night. As you might imagine, that took some getting used to... And, as you might also imagine, there was the occasional instance where one of us would be too close to the other and those shifting feet would deliver a kick or two to my shins. That's a fantastic way to wake up...



True story. I have actually been woken up by being stung by a bee. OUCH! I don't know what I did to piss the little bugger (ha, ha, ha) off, but it stung my shoulder and then floated off to die somewhere while I woke up yelling and trying to figure out what had just happened. I then rudely woke up my step-mother by running into her room screaming like a banshee. I like to share the love, in case you hadn't noticed.



So yeah, waking up to the alarm clock is never fun. But waking up to an incorrect alarm that's blaring at midnight is TERRIBLE! Your brain has been trained to associate that horrible noise with the start of your day. So imagine the mental anguish of trying to make yourself go back to sleep because your body knows it's the middle of the night but your brain is trying to tell you it's time to get up. It's like trying to sign to a blind person...it just doesn't work out very well.



There is a reason our cell phones have Silent Mode and it isn't just because it's rude (and very annoying) to have a meeting interrupted with the newest Top 40 hit blaring from some one's pocket. I am certain Silent Mode was the fabulous forethought of some unknown genius who had probably received a few unwanted calls to his land line in his time. I'm here to tell you, this genius created Silent Mode because of drunk dialers...and now, more often than not, drunk texters. Ever been woken up by the intro for "Crazy Train"? Yeah...that'll take the ten best years off your life right there.



As many a mother will tell you, waking up to the certain knowledge that you are going to throw up is undoubtedly one of the joys of pregnancy. Waking up and racing to the bathroom at 4 a.m. every morning for the entire first trimester is simply preparing the new mother for the nights of racing to her screaming child's room. See folks? There really is a purpose for everything in life.



I wonder if any one's ever done a study on how many Saturday mornings have been ruined by a loud knocking on the door or the incessant doorbell? And I know you all know who I'm referring to...the smiling young man in the black suit asking for just one minute of your time. Does anyone know why it's so obviously best to "spread The Word" at such ungodly hours?

And last, but definitely not least:



Who hasn't been woken up by neighbors or roommates or, God forbid, parents having loud, obnoxious sex? Whether it's a woman screaming her way through what is clearly a faked orgasm or simply the sound of their headboard hitting the wall or the box spring squeaking, it all adds up to a very poor night's sleep for you. My best suggestion for you? Grab your significant other and try to drown them out ;) Unless, of course, it's your parents...in that case, you should probably move out, promptly...like yesterday.

And there it is folks...your Memorial Day Weekend Top 9 List. I hope you all have a safe and fun weekend. I'm officially signing off for the holiday. I'm taking advantage of the boyfriend having Monday off and we're gonna have some down time together :) So until Tuesday...Ciao!