We are all innocent until proven guilty in a court of our peers.

A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. Often, the "guilt" involved is simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes, rather than actual moral guilt. Fashion, music, and food (especially unhealthier foods high in sugar and/or fat) can be examples of guilty pleasures.

This has always been an intriguing topic for me, there's so many unanswered questions. Why do we feel guilty about it? Why are some people attracted to one thing while others find it distasteful?

Since I don't have any of the answers, I decided to just make a list of my guilty pleasures. Maybe once they're out in the open I won't feel guilty...or maybe you'll all just point at me and laugh.

I love sappy love ballads. I don't care how much they've been over played, I will still bust out in full voice to sing along. The more heartbreak in the song, the better.



I will curl up with crayons and a coloring book for HOURS! I kid you not. I used to try to use the fact that I have a child as an excuse for my obsession, but I've since given that up. Probably because he's now old enough and smart enough to tell people the truth.



This song is soooo dirty!! But since the first time I heard it on the radio, I've been addicted to it. I can't get enough!



Again, I've tried to use the fact that I have a child as an excuse for watching Disney movies. It doesn't really work, though, when I get caught watching The Little Mermaid with him no where in sight.



I absolutely ADORE fried green tomatoes. The actual food, not the movie. Well, I love the movie too, but that's another point all together. The problem with fried green tomatoes (the food) is that, if anyone will recall, I am ALLERGIC to tomatoes. So yeah, I could eat them, but then bad things happen and I get to take a fun trip to the E.R. Why do the things I like have to be so bad for me?



Yet again, another thing I've tried blaming on my child. Does anyone else for see years of therapy for all of the damage I'm causing?



I think Johnny needs no introduction. What hot-blooded, straight female does NOT have a thing for Johnny Depp?! Excuse me while I drool...



No, I do not have a secret penchant for little girls...although I do think they're adorable :) But I do have a little obsession with pigtails. I love wearing my hair in pigtails. Have I mentioned that I'm in my late 20's? Maybe it's time to start growing up...but that doesn't sound like any fun.



Agh! I know, I'm totally giving myself away with this one. Now everyone knows what a total and complete geek I am. I don't care, I can't help it. Besides, did you know that doing word puzzles lowers your chances of getting Alzheimer's and Dementia by 66%?



And here the awful truth comes out...deep down, I really am a girly-girl who loves herself a good, sappy chick flick. Someone whip out the tissues please...this one's a tearjerker.




I realize that some of the things on my list may not technically qualify as a guilty pleasure, since I don't feel a whole lot of guilt about them. But there ya have it...my list of things that make me go "Aw!"

Breaking News: Unknown female attacks television. More to come after this word from our sponsors.

Who honestly likes being sick?

I hate it. I would rather be stuck in a room with my least favorite people for a week than to be bedridden for a day. At least then I would have someone else to make miserable. Plus, the first option offers possibilities of entertainment, if you're of the sadistic sort.

However, as usual when it comes to illness, I didn't have much choice in the matter and so for the last few days I have been battling some freak strain of the flu, as opposed to being entertained at the expense of my worst enemies.

Now those who know me closely know this little fact: I do NOT make a good patient. I seem to have the mindset that if I am forced by powers unseen to be miserable, well then it's my duty to make everyone around me as, if not more, miserable than I am. (Apparently I hold some of those aforementioned sadistic qualities. This should NOT come as a surprise.)

So rewind to last night. I'm in bed. I'm tired, my body aches, I'm irritable and cranky. I'm also, for the most part, alone with my thoughts. Without a suitable candidate for my tantrum, I resort to pouting, whining, complaining and just general bitchiness. When mumbling to myself about nothing of substance ceases to entertain me, I begin to argue with the T.V.

I know what you're thinking, who argues with a T.V.? In all fairness, I suppose I was technically arguing with the programming on television, not the actual set itself. (Because that would just be silly, who argues with inanimate objects? Oh wait...that's right, I do. Moving on...)

I will shamelessly admit that due to my being not in my right frame of mind, I don't recall everything that was said between the television and I. But I believe it went something like this:

(Editor's note: These may not be exact quotations as I, unfortunately, was not thinking ahead to blogging about this little interlude so therefore I neglected to take notes. Sue me.)

(Newscaster): "Up next, have you ever wondered what your dog would look like in briefs or a thong?"



Me(very loud and somewhat obnoxiously): "Are you kidding me?!?! Who the hell came up with that idea? We go from health care reform to pet panties?!"

Me(mumbling and shaking my head): "Idiots."

(Truck commercial): "Come in now for truck month and drive away with a new truck!"



Me(again, mumbling): "Are you going to just give me the truck, like, for free? I didn't think so."

(Newscaster): "Up next, Tiger Woods speaks to the public for the first time in two scheduled interviews. Details after the break."



Me(rolling my eyes): "Because we just can't let it rest, can we? Noooooo we have to keep rehashing his personal life."


I'm sure there was more, but I think I shall stop embarrassing myself now. A girl's ego can only take so much. Also, as I mentioned before, I don't exactly recall everything said and I failed to take notes. Next time I will remember to adequately document my one-sided arguments. As these actually happen on a frequent basis, I'm sure I'll be furiously scribbling notes as I yell aloud in the very near future.

I'm off to bed for more rest (I'm rolling my eyes as I type that) and hopefully I'll make it through the night without throwing a tantrum. Good night all!

"Sufferin' Sucatash!"

I've come to a decision. I need to watch less T.V.

I did not come to this decision lightly. I actually don't watch much T.V. at all when I think about how much I used to watch when I was younger. But there are a few shows that I love and I have been known to curl up and watch a marathon or two when I can. Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters, Criminal Minds and Law & Order: Criminal Intent are just the few that I'm somewhat hooked on at the moment.

Anywho, as usual, I digress. The reason I've decided that I need to watch less T.V. is that the commercials are really starting to annoy me. Either they're getting stupider, or I'm getting old and anal retentive. (I'd like to think it's the former, I'd rather not contemplate my aging...)

Case in point:

Has anyone seen the new Michael Strahan commercial for Sports Authority?



It's ridiculous! "I'm gonna play batheball!"

I have a million different things about the commercial that irritate me, but his voice has got to be the worst. Seriously, this man played in the NFL for 15 seasons and made millions of dollars. He's now a football analyst on Fox NFL Sunday and I'm sure he makes a pretty penny for that as well. And yet, with all that money he's made, and is still making, the man can't afford to fix the ginormous gap between his front teeth?!?! The man is a sportscaster, he speaks for a living and he can't afford to fix a gap that is causing a speech impediment? A speech impediment that makes him sound like a damn cartoon cat?!



I am just simply blown away by this.

And as if it couldn't get any worse, has anyone noticed how, in the newest Subway commercials, the actors/characters are starting to resemble the plastic people in the Black Hole Sun video by Soundgarden?



Just wondering. Let me know what you think:)

For the love of Sam!!! I just want some sleep!!

Ugh...it's my day off, my day to sleep in, be a little lazy.
And what happens?? My body decides to wake me up at 6 AM!!!! What kind of nonsense is that??
Not only do I wake up, but I can't fall back asleep, my mind just won't shut off. I have an appointment to get my hair cut today, and all I can think about is what I'm gonna have done. Do I want bangs again, or no? Layers? Should I just get it trimmed and call it good? Then I start thinking about cooking breakfast and what to take out to make for dinner. Do I want to make stuffed potatoes again, or should I take out the pork roast and have that with veggies? If I'm gonna do the roast, should I make dinner rolls too?

See what I mean? It just goes on and on. So I decided I should get out of bed and try to be productive. In case you're wondering, I'm failing miserably. I still don't know what I want to do with my hair and my appointment is in just a few hours. And I'm no further in my decision on what to make for dinner or if I should make breakfast.

Any suggestions anyone?

"Looks like someone has a case of the Monday's."

Please tell me that you all know that today's title is from Office Space? It's only one of the greatest comedies...EVER!

There's something about a Monday morning that just makes me wanna pull the covers over my head and snuggle back into bed for a few more hours. Even if it's my day off and I don't have to get up, I still dislike Monday mornings.

Like this morning...I didn't have to get up, I could have stayed in bed. And I probably should have just stayed in bed, since I wound up feeling yucky for the better part of the morning. That'll teach me to have copious amounts of sugar right before I fall asleep. SMH

Peter Gibbons (from Office Space): "Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic."

I often wonder what I would do if I had a million dollars. I have various ideas but unfortunately most of them revolve around having multiple millions of dollars. But here's a list:

~I would travel around Europe.
~I would set aside money for my son's college fund.
~I would build my dream house on a stretch of land and own horses.
~I would buy amazing cars, I strive to have a collection to rival Jay Leno's.
~I would totally get some liposuction! ( I don't care how wrong it might be.)
~I would collect classic books, first editions and rare copies.
~I would go on a cruise.
~I would go on a concert binge and see all of my favorite bands live.

I know it's not a very long list but it's all that's coming to mind now. I'm still in "Monday" mode. I realize that most people are actually just now getting done with their work days, but I still want to go back to bed. Maybe tonight will just be a curl up with a blanky and watch a movie kinda night :)

What would you do with a million dollars?
And if you haven't seen Office Space...go rent it NOW!!



Tom Smykowski (from Office Space): "Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Lucky Number 7

I'm truly shameless. I realize that this probably doesn't come as a shock, especially to those of you who know me well.

I am seriously jacking today's blog from a fellow blogger (one much more accomplished, I might add). I actually saw it a while back, but have been waiting to use it for...well, for when I didn't really have a decent blog to give you :p

So...many thanks to The Sassy Curmudgeon for your inspiration.


Today's blog is a list of 7 random things about me. The theory being, of course, that you other bloggers will then also blog with 7 random things about yourselves and everyone will have learned something new...or something like that. Anywho...here we go:

Random Fact #1

I am totally that chick in The Heartbreak Kid.



Cue the scene in the car, where said blond "chick" is singing along with EVERY song that comes on the radio. Loudly. Obnoxiously.
Yup, that's me :) I don't really care who's listening, where I am or if I sound good. If music is playing and I know the song, even if it's only a few lyrics, I'm gonna belt it out. And probably hum the parts I don't know. I vaguely remember being embarrassed about this odd trait when I was younger, but as I've evolved into my bitchy, I-don't-give-a-rat's-patooty adult stage, I find that I don't care anymore. People may look at me funny, they may even be wondering if I've escaped from the psychiatric ward at the local hospital. But I just smile in return and sing the next line. Let them wonder.

Random Fact #2

I quote lines from movies on a daily basis.
Damn it, Janet! I love you." "You're killin' me, Smalls!" and "Houston, we have a problem."



These are just some of my favorites. I do have to credit my two younger sisters though, for the second quote. It's from The Sandlot and I can't really remember which one of them started saying it, but it has become a family thing. Even my son says it and the movie was clearly before his time. And in case you didn't know, the first quote is from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the third quote is from Apollo 13. (However, if you didn't get that one, I don't really hold out much hope for you.) I have thousands of movie quotes stored in the Rol-a-dex that is my brain and I'm patiently waiting for an opportunity to use each one. If someone would only provide me with the perfect opening with which to respond "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." Also, if you haven't noticed, my blog titles are often movie quotes..or lyrics.

Random Fact #3

I am a ridiculously picky eater.
I know what you're thinking...how is that possible for someone who loves food as much as I obviously do? But it is definitely possible, I promise you. I know that some of my food issues stem from childhood. In fact, I'm sure that most of them do. Here's a just a few of my quirks: I don't like green beans or peas..in ANY form. I don't like bananas, except banana bread. I don't like onions. I'm allergic to tomatoes. (REALLY, I promise it's not a joke)

I am leery of other peoples' cooking, mainly because I don't know what "secret" items might be present...like onions or tomatoes or peas or...you get the point. I am NOT, as a rule, a fan of casseroles, there's just something about throwing everything in a pan and calling it dinner that says EWWWWWW to me.

Random Fact #4

I have an anti-foot fetish.
Now, I realize that may not be the correct wording, but it's what I've taken to calling my "condition". I HATE having my feet touched. As in, NO ONE gets to touch my feet, NO ONE! I've been known to kick unsuspecting ticklers, to scream obscenities at well-meaning boyfriends poised for a foot rub and have actually deprived myself from the glories that are pedicures until just a few years ago. So, I guess I should refine my policy. Only a select few people are allowed to touch my feet. The people at the pedicure salon (although, I will still kick if they tickle me) are part of this select few for the sole (ha ha, pun INTENDED) reason that they make my feet look so pretty! Which brings me back to my original point, everyone should really have an anti-foot fetish. Feet are GROSS! There's nothing sexy about them, they are made to be walked on and stuffed in shoes and socks all day. Seriously, if someone can explain the allure to me, I'm all ears.




Random Fact #5

I think chocolate is a universal cure for everything and should be a daily requirement.

And in my life it is a daily requirement. (A bit of an oxymoronic thing since I'm diabetic, but to each their own.) I sometimes think it might only be a "girl" thing but I know guys who like chocolate as much as I do, so I'm not sure. Whether it's something as yummy as a giant piece of chocolate cake or something as small as a Hershey's kiss, I try to have some chocolate each day...and I savor every last bit of it!

Random Fact #6

I can't stand stupidity or ignorance.

Unfortunately, it would seem that the rest of the world has yet to catch on to my point of view. I know I've touched on this topic before, and as I pointed out then, I do NOT walk around with my nose in the air thinking I'm better than every one else. Just the stupid people. I kid, I kid. But seriously. I would say that my main issue is that there simply is no reason for ignorance or blatant stupidity. Grow up, read a book, learn to spell, DO something! People should want to better themselves. Why would you want to remain an idiot?

Random Fact #7

I despise being called cute.
That word should be banned for females over a certain age. It instantly conjures up images of kittens, puppies and pre-pubescent girls. Not something an adult female wants to be associated with visually. Besides, there are numerous other adjectives to use. Tell me I'm beautiful. (Please, what girl doesn't want to hear that once in a while?) Tell me I'm pretty. Or sexy. Or attractive. Or...or...or...well, you get the point anyway. Also, adorable is on my "Do Not Call Me" list.




Well there ya have it, folks. Seven random facts, interesting little tidbits about little ol' me. I'm out for now, gonna go enjoy the rest of my weekend:)

Also, since you're done reading my nonsense for the day, please, please, please check out the link below and read a fellow blogger. She's hilarious and I'm sure she wouldn't mind a few more fans!

The Sassy Curmedgeon

It's okay if shit hits the fan, I have an umbrella!

Hmmm...

I know I wanted to keep this blog more light-hearted, more vague than personal, but it would appear that I am needing to break my self-imposed guidelines. For as long as I can remember, writing has been the best release for me, the best way to explain and share my feelings. I think it's the fear of rejection or confrontation. If it's written down, you don't have to have the conversation face-to-face, therefore mostly eliminating the possibility of said rejection or confrontation. Anywho, I digress from why I'm really here.

I have a philosophy when it comes to the people in my life. I love hard and fast, and I'm your very best friend until you give me a reason not to be...then I will be your very worst enemy. It takes a lot to offend me, but you'll know when you have. I am not a nice person when I feel I've been wronged, or worse, when I feel a friend has been wronged.

And now, I am faced with a dilemma. A person whom I once considered a good friend (for the sake of privacy, we'll call her B), has done some things that I feel are impossible to look past. Another good friend, we'll call him M, seems to have gotten himself enmeshed in this mess, and leave it to me to feel responsible for helping him out of it. (Editor's note: No, he has NOT asked for said help)

I guess I'd better give you the whole story, or as much as I feel I can give without the fear of being sued for slander.

I met M and B within a short amount of time of each other. I was at a rough spot in my life and had just found a new group of friends, people with whom I thought I had a lot in common. M and I hit it off almost instantly. Looking back, I think B and I may have forced our friendship. There's a few year's gap in our ages, also on the surface it appears we have quite a few things in common. In actuality, there's really not much there. However, M is still someone I consider a very close friend, while B is someone I really just consider an acquaintance. M and B are now a couple, a decision I wasn't crazy about, but not mine to make. M did ask me for my opinion, and I think maybe I sugar coated things too much, not wanting to step on any toes.

I now see the error of my ways.

How do you tell one of your best friends that they're making a terrible mistake?

B has gotten herself involved in some trouble and M seems intent on standing by her side and trying to help her out of it. A noble thought, but I only see her dragging him down with her. This trouble she has gotten herself into (and YES, she did cause this mess, all by herself, I'm NOT being dramatic) is simply something that I can't justify. It hits a little too close to home for me to try to be sympathetic towards her. Instead, I feel nearly physically ill every time I see her or even hear her name.

I love M to pieces. How do I tell him I can't stand his girlfriend? That I don't think he should be with her? That he can do so much better?

Sadly, I think I just have.