It's okay if shit hits the fan, I have an umbrella!

Hmmm...

I know I wanted to keep this blog more light-hearted, more vague than personal, but it would appear that I am needing to break my self-imposed guidelines. For as long as I can remember, writing has been the best release for me, the best way to explain and share my feelings. I think it's the fear of rejection or confrontation. If it's written down, you don't have to have the conversation face-to-face, therefore mostly eliminating the possibility of said rejection or confrontation. Anywho, I digress from why I'm really here.

I have a philosophy when it comes to the people in my life. I love hard and fast, and I'm your very best friend until you give me a reason not to be...then I will be your very worst enemy. It takes a lot to offend me, but you'll know when you have. I am not a nice person when I feel I've been wronged, or worse, when I feel a friend has been wronged.

And now, I am faced with a dilemma. A person whom I once considered a good friend (for the sake of privacy, we'll call her B), has done some things that I feel are impossible to look past. Another good friend, we'll call him M, seems to have gotten himself enmeshed in this mess, and leave it to me to feel responsible for helping him out of it. (Editor's note: No, he has NOT asked for said help)

I guess I'd better give you the whole story, or as much as I feel I can give without the fear of being sued for slander.

I met M and B within a short amount of time of each other. I was at a rough spot in my life and had just found a new group of friends, people with whom I thought I had a lot in common. M and I hit it off almost instantly. Looking back, I think B and I may have forced our friendship. There's a few year's gap in our ages, also on the surface it appears we have quite a few things in common. In actuality, there's really not much there. However, M is still someone I consider a very close friend, while B is someone I really just consider an acquaintance. M and B are now a couple, a decision I wasn't crazy about, but not mine to make. M did ask me for my opinion, and I think maybe I sugar coated things too much, not wanting to step on any toes.

I now see the error of my ways.

How do you tell one of your best friends that they're making a terrible mistake?

B has gotten herself involved in some trouble and M seems intent on standing by her side and trying to help her out of it. A noble thought, but I only see her dragging him down with her. This trouble she has gotten herself into (and YES, she did cause this mess, all by herself, I'm NOT being dramatic) is simply something that I can't justify. It hits a little too close to home for me to try to be sympathetic towards her. Instead, I feel nearly physically ill every time I see her or even hear her name.

I love M to pieces. How do I tell him I can't stand his girlfriend? That I don't think he should be with her? That he can do so much better?

Sadly, I think I just have.

"You. Complete. Me."

What is a soulmate?

I imagine it means something different to every person. Whether it's your "one and only" someone, the yin to your yang, your perfect other half; or it's a person who just happens to complement you very well, a friend, spouse or family member.

I don't truly believe in the first definition. It's hard for me to swallow that there's only one person out there who is made to be with me, a twin that I am doomed to spend my life searching for. I do, however, think we all have soulmates.

I know I have them in my life. Friends who match me on different levels, who balance me out, smooth my rough edges and introduce me to new sides of myself. People who seem to know me better than I know myself so that I can always trust their advice because I know they truly know me. And I like to envision that I offer the same to them, that I see them as they really are, see past the masks that we all show the world.

I think it's really important to have people like that in your life, people that look past your masks, that know you so well that you don't have to pretend at anything. I know we'd all like to say that we don't pretend, we don't wear any masks; we're real, we don't hide from the world. I beg to differ. No matter how "real" you are, how original you claim to be, EVERYONE has something that they keep from the rest of us, it's just human nature.

So take a close look at your friends, your partner, your family. And take an even closer look at yourselves. What is it that you keep hidden? And who in your life sees it? If you don't think you have anyone who sees the true you, I suggest finding your soulmate. You'll be pleasantly surprised at the impact they have in your life.

And to my soulmates, I hope you all know what you mean to me and how much you impact me and my life each and every day. Thank you for keeping me "real".