"Ohh, there must be some easier way for me to get my wings."

Merry Christmas!!

Or Merry Christmas Eve!! (If you wanna get technical all about it...)

No daily grind for me until Monday, the boyfriend has a short day and then is also off until Monday, all of the presents are wrapped and the stockings are ready to go and we're stocked up with apple cider and hot cocoa. Christmas dinner is thawing in the fridge and almost all of the baking is done. Oh yeah folks, it's gonna be a damn good weekend :)

In spite of it all, I am actually feeling a bit of the holiday spirit. I've got breakfast planned in the morning (french toast, sausage, eggs and fruit) and dinner planned for late tomorrow afternoon (rosemary pork roast, potatoes, fresh rolls, baked pasta and veggies) and plenty of games and Christmas movies. I'm a little nervous though...I just hope everyone likes their gifts. The boyfriend assures me he will...but he might just be saying that because he loves me.

I struggled with what your holiday list should be. It was the only thing holiday related that I couldn't absolutely decide on one way or the other. I had many ideas, and I had many ideas offered up from friends but none of them lasted very long in the chaos that is my mind. And so, more nostalgia it is...


My Top 9 Favorite Christmas Memories and/or Traditions

Watching It's a Wonderful Life every year.



This is my mother's favorite holiday movie. Every single year for as far back as I can remember, Mom has required that we all sit down and watch the movie together as a family, either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. As kids we'd all grumble and whine and, truth be told, even a few times as adults there was some whining involved. But since Mom's golden rule is no fighting on Christmas, watch the movie we did. Secretly, I've always loved the movie and if I could pick one thing I'll miss this year, it's watching it with Mom.

The year I discovered the TRUTH about Santa.



I was SIX. Sad, I know. Short story is that I found a bike in it's hiding spot (By complete accident, I swear!!) a few weeks before Christmas. I didn't think much about it at the time, but come Christmas morning and there's the same bike with a gift tag that reads "From Santa" and my little six-year-old eyes got all kinds of opened. To my credit, I managed to keep the story alive for my little sisters. I don't even think I told my parents about that story until just a few years ago. See y'all, I CAN keep a secret after all!!

Baby oranges and coconut for breakfast.



I'm not sure how exactly this little tradition got started, I only know that it came from J's side of the family. Every year for Christmas breakfast (and usually other big holidays too...) we would have mandarin oranges sprinkled with coconut for breakfast. I know it sounds kind of funny but it's part of my youth. And a testament to it's staying power as a tradition? My mother continued it even after her divorce from J. I have now served it to my own lil man...and just this Thanksgiving I shared it with the boyfriend. And before you ask, yes, we'll be having it tomorrow morning. It's one of those things that I think will never change.

Please Mom!! Can we open just one present early?



Anyone who knows me knows how very impatient I am. I blame my family. Every year the week before Christmas is spent with my sisters and I bargaining with Mom. Her resolve never lasts long because it never fails, every night for about a week before Christmas we beg and she finally gives in letting everyone open JUST ONE present early. (It was always JUST ONE but you knew you were going to get to open another the next night so it never really mattered.) I've often wondered how we even have anything left under the tree by the time the big morning comes. When we were really little Mom would let us open a gift on Christmas Eve that always held our new jammies, robe and/or slippers. Then we would have nice new comfies to wear the next morning while unwrapping gifts and eating our baby oranges. I tried sharing this little tradition with the boyfriend but he's stayed steadfast and won't even let me have a peek :( He says if I'm good, we can open gifts tonight. I don't think he fully realizes that he's depriving me of a family tradition.

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth."



Good lord, I can't tell you how many times I've heard this song. As a wee one, I'm sure it was played every year, multiple times. When my sisters were very smallish (4 and 6 or so) they played it over and over again so that they could both sing along until they were hoarse. It was our version of America's Got Talent. Sometimes I think it's not officially Christmas until I hear this song...which reminds me, I should probably take a little listen :)

NURTS!!



I'm sure this game has many other names...but my family adopted NURTS since we don't swear. (That is, we don't swear around certain family members...) It's like a group version of solitaire. You can have as little as two or three people but the more the merrier (and crazier). When my step-dad's family comes for the holidays we've had as many as ten of us crowded around the table. A word to the wise? More than five or six people and chaos will ensue. My calm, passive pastor of an uncle actually knocked a chair to the ground one year. It was beautiful! What better way to burn off some of that tension from playing nice all week?

How the Grinch Stole Christmas



It is not, I repeat...IT IS NOT Christmas until I have seen this classic. Fortunately for the boyfriend (or maybe unfortunately since I made him watch with me...) both the original and the Jim Carrey versions were on last night so I got my fix. And now you can all listen to me croak out "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch" over and over again. (Before you ask, no, I have NOT gotten back full capacity of my voice. Damnit!) Maybe one of these years I'll even do my hair like one of the Whos from Whoville...

Sinterklaas



I believe I've mentioned before that I was a military brat growing up. And so, as a result of a stint overseas in Europe, my family picked up this wonderful tradition. Every December 5th we set out a shoe and fell asleep with dreams of sugar plums and whatnot. On the morning of December 6th we would race out to see what Saint Nicholas had left us. Candy if we had been good, a switch if we had not. As was the case most years, a switch with candy if we had been both good and bad. It's a bit impractical for me to continue this as an adult. (I now know how gross feet are and will not permit ANY form of edibles being placed in mine or the boyfriend's shoes.) However, I still shared some of my favorite European food with the boyfriend on December 6th to mark this little memory this year.

Crazy Relatives




No holiday is complete without the obligatory relative that refuses (for whatever reason) to conform to what is acceptable. Whether it's your aunt who likes to pinch every one's cheeks (big or small) or the distant relative giving a sermon on the evils of youth today each time they catch you on your cell phone; EVERY family has someone. In my hugely extended family...we have many. Which is why you can usually catch Mom secretly spiking her cranberry juice in between rounds of cards. And why the kids are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who has the pleasure to sit next to Aunt Pinchy at the dinner table. Or why absolutely ANY excuse to run to the store for some last minute forgotten item is pounced on by nearly every person in a two foot radius. Back when I smoked (secretly) I ran to the store for that forgotten but completely vital item nearly every twenty minutes just to sneak in a quick cigarette for my sanity. But Christmas just wouldn't be the same otherwise.

No matter what your holiday traditions are or what your plans for this weekend may be I hope that you are all safe in your celebrations. And maybe today's list will inspire you to take a look at what traditions you'd like to pass on. Sharing our memories and teaching new friends and loved ones about our past is the way traditions move on and stay alive. And it's through this that we remember where we came from. So to those I love most, bust out the Martinelli's and Scrabble, it's Christmas!!

Merry Christmas readers! And until next time, Toodles!

Where exactly is the funny bone located?

Well hello again Friday. I could remark upon your sneakiness but you didn't catch me unawares this week. I knew you were coming, I just didn't plan accordingly. Quite simply put, I procrastinated, like I do best.

Today's list was a struggle for me and I'm not entirely sure why. It could be that my mind is consumed with upcoming plans or potential changes on the horizon...but it could also be that my mind is just a little befuddled with the remnants of Moscato from last night. I'm choosing to let you all decide what my problem may be. I'm very generous like that.

However, after trying on and discarding numerous ideas for today's list, I have finally come to a decision and I have to give a nod to my girl Violet for the help ;) Hopefully she reads this and smiles, if not...well, I tried, didn't I?

Violet and I briefly discussed comedy this morning and our little conversation sparked the idea for today's list. So, Miss Violet, here's my list of favorite comedians. I hope you enjoy!


My Top 9 Favorite Funny Guys (no, I am not sexist...okay, maybe I am)


Adam Sandler



I know I've mentioned Mr. Sandler a time or two before, but that should only go to show you that I hold him in high regards. (NOT that I repeat myself...) Adam has some of that "good-ole-boy" humor mixed in with a charming smile that reminds you of the class clown that you secretly had a crush on in high school. Billy Madison,The Waterboy, Happy Gilmore or his characters from Saturday Night Live, it doesn't matter to me, they all make me laugh and smile.

Robin Williams



Ah...Mr. Williams, how you tickle my funny bone. I would have to say, though, that I much prefer Robin's stand-up to his movies. I do love his movies...but they don't make me fall over laughing like his stand-up does. Ever seen his bit about Viagra? Or the invention of golf?

Gabriel Iglesias



OMG! This guy will make me snort liquid! I don't know what exactly it is about him, but I've loved him from the start. Maybe it's because I sense a kindred spirit. I won't give you my life story (that's for another blog) but I used to be super (ridiculously so) skinny and now...well, not so much. I don't know if I'd call myself fat, or even chubby...but I'm definitely a part of the fluffy crowd now. Gabriel finds a way to make it funny and accepted...without really making it the butt of the joke. And his voices are hilarious!

Chris Rock



I know some people think he's a bit too brash or don't like that he swears...a lot. And, yeah, he kinda yells instead of talking. But he's funny. He does sarcasm better than most comics out there and since I happen to be a bit of a sarcastic brat myself, (You don't say?!) I like him.

Jim Carrey



Who doesn't love Ace? Or Lloyd for that matter? And if you don't, maybe you should not be reading this...we probably will have many more differences of opinion. I love humor that involves world happenings or current events, that has adult context or is even just plain vulgar. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, you just need some childish, immature humor. And that's where comics like Jim Carrey (and the aforementioned Adam Sandler) come in. "Tell the fat lady she's on in five."

Jeff Dunham



Who'd-a-thunk I would ever like a ventriloquist? Seriously, before Jeff, the whole idea just kinda struck me as creepy. You know, grown men, playing with dolls? Or worse, it brought to mind Lambchop and then I would get that annoying song stuck in my head and I would be miserable. But then Mr. Dun-ham-dot-com came along and blew all of my assumptions out of the water. I don't know if I would wish schizophrenia on anyone, but his different personalities are fantastic!

Ron White



Actually...I like all of the Blue Collar Comedy guys. The name really says it all, it's the working man's type of humor. They talk about everyday stuff that the average person can relate to. And if that's not the golden ticket right there...well then someone should probably alert Mr. Wonka. However, the difference when it comes to Ron White is that he brings a bit of that vulgar, adult content to the table that makes it less family comedy and more...well, you know.

Lewis Black



Mr. Black is the voice that chimes in the recesses of my mind, ruthlessly commenting on the underbelly of society so that I am forced to contemplate the inadequacies of humanity. The fact that he also makes a living from his perceptions of the human race is just another point in his favor in my book. If only I could follow in his divine footsteps...

Chris Farley



Last, but most certainly not least, we have Mr. Farley. Chris was one of those guys that worked better feeding off of others. His stint on Saturday Night Live was one of my favorite periods of the show. Of course, it didn't hurt that Adam Sandler was on during those years either ;) I'm always sad when I hear of a celebrity's death but I was truly heartbroken over Chris's departure. Who now will dance for us in his little coat?

There it is folks...my favorite guys who make me laugh. Well...besides the boyfriend, because we all know that him making me laugh is so much more important :) And on that note, I should probably get my booty in gear and get ready for his gig tonight. It wouldn't do him justice at all to show up in my pajamas.

I hope you all have a fantastical weekend, full of sunshine and good times. Mine promises to be crazy busy as always but I wouldn't trade it for anything! Until Monday...

"If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve..."

I have a wonderful love for stay-in date nights. And lucky, lucky me, I've gotten two in a row this week :) and it's only Wednesday. That's pretty smooth, right there. And what nights they were! Monday was homemade pizzas and Last Comic Standing. That's right folks...I'm hooked...on a reality show. Lord help me, this could be the beginning of the end. And last night I was supposed to have a project, but plans changed last minute so it was movie night with the boyfriend. (I was real torn up about it, can you tell?)

So rewind to some point last week. I'm not sure what the conversation was, but amidst it I discover that the boyfriend has not seen Man on the Moon (Ws).

"Add it to the Netflix thingy!" I demand. (ha...I actually asked nicely...but "demand" works so much better for dramatic purposes)

And he did. And it arrived a few days ago. So back to last night and the changing of my plans. I hadn't planned on dinner since I was supposed to be gone. The boyfriend and I decide we don't really want "real" food for dinner so off to the grocery store we go. And back home we come, loaded up with tacquitos, two different kinds of trail mix, chocolate and popcorn. Yeah, a real nutritional dinner for me. I don't care...BACK OFF THIS! We get all snuggled in with our goodies and some sweet tea and turn on Man on the Moon.

As you all know, I love Jim Carrey with something fierce. The man is funny, I don't care what anyone else has to say. Now since I haven't seen The Truman Show, (a tragedy, I know...the boyfriend has already informed me of this...don't worry, it will be rectified soon) I have to say that Man on the Moon is his best performance...EVER.

Also, I love R.E.M. so the movie really is just an all around favorite of mine.

Granted, I know this isn't the something funny I promised you, but it sure beats the socks off the melancholy of last weekend. And so I'll leave you with this: If you haven't seen Man on the Moon, I strongly encourage {read: I demand} that you go out and rent it tonight. And be a little goofy. Skip out on dinner and munch on some trail mix and chocolate. Take a cue from Mr. Kaufman himself and go back to being a kid again. You'll be amazed at how great it feels.

"All my heroes have now become ghosts..."

It would seem the theme for the day is "Super Heroes." According to online news sources, Jim Carrey crashed Conan O'Brien's show Saturday night dressed as Superman.

The show, a stop on Conan's "The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour", was held at Gibson Amphitheatre in L.A. Conan was performing his cover of Five for Fighting's song Superman (It's Not Easy) when, according to reports, Jim Carrey surprised Conan by arriving dressed as Superman and singing along.



As I watched the video and smiled, (Jim Carrey and Conan O'Brien are a few of my favorite comedians), I began to wonder. With the recent release of movies like Kick-Ass and Losers and upcoming releases of Iron Man 2 and Green Lantern, are we wanting a superhero?

Well I don't know about you, but someone shows up in tights and a cape to "save" me, I'm gonna flip out. Unless it's Jim Carrey...then I'll probably faint from shock and excitement. Or throw myself at him. I'm sure those are both very logical responses.

But we, as a society, have always idolized heroes, set select peers on a pedestal and made them into something glorious. Even the earliest civilizations had their heroes. Look at Greek or Roman mythology and you'll find a slew of material to rival your best Marvel comic books.

Why do we need these fictional characters with mythical powers and extraordinary abilities? Is it because we feel that there isn't such a thing as a real hero? Is it because we have lost faith in our fellow man and so instead we lose ourselves in fiction and pretend that it's just for the entertainment value?

I'm not knocking comics or super hero movies, I love them just as much as the next addict :) I'm just wondering why we don't look harder to see the real, every-day heroes that are right in front of our faces.

Our Armed Forces, risking their lives everyday for the freedoms we all hold so dear.



The parents everywhere who work hard to provide for their children.



Your city's finest, your local police men and women, who put themselves in harm's way every day to keep us safe.



People who stand up and speak out to protect our civil rights.





The volunteers of organizations like Red Cross and United Way who give so much of themselves to help others have a better life...EVERY DAY.





So I ask you... Who is your hero? And if you're holding out for Superman, ask yourself this: What is the fascination with a guy in tights? Really...I would love to know ;)