When does my award for philanthropy arrive?

For the record, technology hates me. It's a fact. Pretty sad too, since my joyous livelihood depends on technology. Such is my life.

And I'm not the only one struggling. Poor Vi's mp3 player is driving her crazy, the boyfriend's dad's cell took an unplanned swim and Miss J's water pump and motor took a nose dive... I'm thinking it has to be something in the air. Or the water.

Anywho...at the risk of jinxing myself, the interwebs do indeed seem to be back within range of my fingertips and my cell once again has a working charger to give it life and so I think my techno-troubles may be over. My Cowboys also had their first win of the season yesterday, so maybe the tides are in fact turning...

On that note...would you all like a chuckle for your Monday?

Males should be required to take a class that teaches them how to interact with women. They should also be required to pass a test at the end of said class to show that they have learned somewhat of a lesson. A tip? If you are not a bright crayon, don't even try to talk to me. Or any female with half of a brain, for that matter.

Today's segment of Tips for 'Tards is proudly brought to you by the letters F and V and is directed to all of those ignorant males out there. Don't say we never gave you anything :)





*If I am nice to you, it doesn't mean that I want to sleep with you or that I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with you and require the same of you. Maybe, just maybe, I'm a nice person...at least, I am until you annoy me.

*If I tell you no the first time you ask me to dance, that answer isn't likely to change just because you've now asked me ten times. There is a reason I'm saying no, just take it like a true man and back off.

*There is a proper way to end a relationship, sleeping with someone else isn't it.

*I have a mind, and I like to use it most of the time. Patronizing me, telling me I'm wrong or ignoring me are all prime ways to get the rough side of my tongue...and not in the good way.

*Your good looks are only going to get you so far. So start working on your personality. If you don't think you need any help, ask a girl you don't know. I guarantee she'll have some tips for you.

And if these tips aren't enough, I can be reached here: randommeows@gmail.com

I'll be more than happy to help with your education. I might not even charge you too much, that's how nice I am. Now refer back to the first tip on exactly what that means.



Happy Monday everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend :) As always, any and all comments are welcome. I'll catch y'all in a few. And to my girls that are having a rough time...if it can't be punched in the face or thrown in the garbage, walk away and smile.

Cue the Welcome Back, Kotter theme song...NOW!

I am come home!

Damn it. I know that's from a movie, I even wanna say it was in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves...but I can't be sure...and I can't find it :( Don't you just hate it when brilliant thoughts come to you just on the edge of sleep and then you can only remember pieces of them the next morning? Write shit down, people!!

Anywho. I am back. The boyfriend's awesome friend/former co-worker (Whom I think I have met...but I can't be sure...again, WRITE SHIT DOWN!) has saved us from computer death by donating a desktop to our cause. And then, my sweetheart of a boyfriend fought with the wireless router for days until everything was working again. I don't know how it happens...I just can never thank him enough for all that he does to help keep me sane.

So I know it's Friday, and under normal circumstances you all would be expecting a Top 9 list from me. However, since I've been off the grid, I don't exactly have one prepared. I know, I know...I suck.

But I have a compromise for you...are you ready for it?

I will spend today working on a recap of my time away, complete with a few new Tips for 'Tards for you (not that I'm saying you all are 'tards...) and on Sunday I'll post this goodness for you to enjoy while you're screaming emphatically at the football.

(What is that you say? YOU don't scream emphatically at your T.V. screen?!)

(You don't have to lie to kick it...we know you do.)

Wow...and so now, before I start engaging in further arguments with myself, I'm off to start hardly working...or working hard, however it goes.

I hope everyone has a fantastical weekend. And for the record, I'm very sadly disappointed that not a single person commented and tried a stab at the trivia from the last post. FAIL!

It's not my fault!! I blame...you!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Sad story!!

RandomMeows is temporarily out of order. It's not my fault, I swear!!

The computer decided to give up the ghost and now it has to go to the doctor. Since the library won't let me just camp out on their computers all day long whilst I pretend to write and then crank out a blog at the last minute, I have to put things on hold until the our desktop gets better.

I will miss you all desperately. Of course, regular life still goes on so I'm sure I will have tons of great stories for you when I return :) In the meantime, don't do anything I wouldn't do...or don't do anything I would!

Toodles!

P.S. If anyone can comment and tell me what movie that last line (the part in bold print) is from, it will make my day!

This is the world I live (or die) in...Do you feel sorry for me yet?

So...good news, I'm not dying! YAY!

Bad news? I've totally neglected my beloved blog for over a week. All I can say in my defense is that there were many points over the last week where I really thought I was actually dying. I won't bore you all with the gory details, let's just suffice it to say that I had some very painful female problems going on.

But enough of the bad, let's get to the good! I'm apparently not about to expire. I even made it out of bed today, things are looking up!

Since I've pretty much been in bed for the last week, I don't have any fun tales to share. Okay, that's kind of a lie. I did make a very interesting trip to the E.R. And that, my friends, has led to today's edition of Tips for 'Tards.


Emergency Room Etiquette

First of all, the fact that I even feel the need to write this means that humanity is doomed. Thank you to all of the trash out there that decided to grace me with your presence. I truly have no hope left for the human race. Can I please go back to being a monkey?


1. Shoes are a requirement. It might not say so on any of the notices on the wall, but trust me on this. They are needed.

2. If you have enough air to yell that you're dying, you're not really dying from breathing problems. Give up the charade and let us wallow in our own self-pity.

3. There is a sign asking you to supervise your children for a reason. It is NOT merely a suggestion. If you feel it necessary to bring the entire brood to the E.R. because Grandma's sick, keep them reigned in or get out.

4. Arguing with the T.V. is something best done in private. Unless, of course, you're trying to be certified as nuts. In which case, argue on psycho.

5. If you have to bring a book to the E.R. to keep yourself occupied...how sick are you really? Couldn't it have just waited until the morning when you could have gone to your doctor or Urgent Care?

6. Unless it is a definite case of life or death, take the extra 30 seconds to put on appropriate clothing. I'm not saying you need to be dressed in formal wear, but pants that don't show off your underwear (or lack there of...) when you stand up would be a nice start.

7. COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH OR SNEEZE. Really. It's not just a suggestion anymore.


And that is all. Actually, it's not. Surprisingly, there were many things going wrong in the Emergency Room Lobby the other night and they weren't all health related. However, my ability to form coherent thoughts is still not quite at full speed and I am rapidly fading. I hope everyone has had a better week than I have.

Before I go crawl my gimp booty back into bed, a quick shout out to the boyfriend. I don't know how the man puts up with me, but he has and does. The sweetheart even held my hand through one of the worst exams ever. He's definitely a keeper :) That is, if he doesn't get tired of all of my whining and run in the opposite direction. Anywho...Good night, loves!