So...good news, I'm not dying! YAY!
Bad news? I've totally neglected my beloved blog for over a week. All I can say in my defense is that there were many points over the last week where I really thought I was actually dying. I won't bore you all with the gory details, let's just suffice it to say that I had some very painful female problems going on.
But enough of the bad, let's get to the good! I'm apparently not about to expire. I even made it out of bed today, things are looking up!
Since I've pretty much been in bed for the last week, I don't have any fun tales to share. Okay, that's kind of a lie. I did make a very interesting trip to the E.R. And that, my friends, has led to today's edition of Tips for 'Tards.
Emergency Room Etiquette
First of all, the fact that I even feel the need to write this means that humanity is doomed. Thank you to all of the trash out there that decided to grace me with your presence. I truly have no hope left for the human race. Can I please go back to being a monkey?
1. Shoes are a requirement. It might not say so on any of the notices on the wall, but trust me on this. They are needed.
2. If you have enough air to yell that you're dying, you're not really dying from breathing problems. Give up the charade and let us wallow in our own self-pity.
3. There is a sign asking you to supervise your children for a reason. It is NOT merely a suggestion. If you feel it necessary to bring the entire brood to the E.R. because Grandma's sick, keep them reigned in or get out.
4. Arguing with the T.V. is something best done in private. Unless, of course, you're trying to be certified as nuts. In which case, argue on psycho.
5. If you have to bring a book to the E.R. to keep yourself occupied...how sick are you really? Couldn't it have just waited until the morning when you could have gone to your doctor or Urgent Care?
6. Unless it is a definite case of life or death, take the extra 30 seconds to put on appropriate clothing. I'm not saying you need to be dressed in formal wear, but pants that don't show off your underwear (or lack there of...) when you stand up would be a nice start.
7. COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH OR SNEEZE. Really. It's not just a suggestion anymore.
And that is all. Actually, it's not. Surprisingly, there were many things going wrong in the Emergency Room Lobby the other night and they weren't all health related. However, my ability to form coherent thoughts is still not quite at full speed and I am rapidly fading. I hope everyone has had a better week than I have.
Before I go crawl my gimp booty back into bed, a quick shout out to the boyfriend. I don't know how the man puts up with me, but he has and does. The sweetheart even held my hand through one of the worst exams ever. He's definitely a keeper :) That is, if he doesn't get tired of all of my whining and run in the opposite direction. Anywho...Good night, loves!
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