One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Leo Buscaglia. For those of you who don't know, Mr. Buscaglia, (also known as Dr. Love) was a motivational speaker and an author. The quote is:
This quote spoke to me from the very first time I read it. I know you don't need me to preach to you about "The Golden Rule." I'm sure we all got enough of that in school. But have you ever stopped to think about how our words affect someone?
When I was 12 my mom said something that has stuck with me for 15 years. It was after my parents' divorce and I had told her that I didn't want to live with her and her new boyfriend. Her angry words seared themselves into my brain.
"I should have listened to my mother and had an abortion."
When I was in 5th grade, I had to stand up in front of my class and tell them about living in Germany. Later that day on the playground, a little boy from my class called me a Nazi. I burst into tears and my big sister came to the rescue, kicking the little boy. Still, his hurtful comment has stuck with me.
The first thing my paternal grandmother said to me after having not seen me since I was a toddler:
"We've missed you."
Simple, sure. But powerful nonetheless.
I'm sure that if each of us closed our eyes, we could recall words someone has said to us and the emotions they stirred. Whether it was yesterday, or a thousand yesterdays ago, the words and the memories still evoke strong feelings within us. What about the first time your significant other said they loved you? Or the vows spoken at your wedding ceremony? Or how about the first words of your child?
If words can have such a powerful effect, why are we not more careful with what we say? I'm just as guilty as the next person. I'm often very quick to let my words pour out of my mouth without them passing through any sort of filter. I've tried, in the last few years, to really make a conscious effort to watch what I say. I learned a valuable lesson when my brother took his life:
Words we say in anger today may be the difference between life and death for someone else tomorrow.
And if words have the power to hurt, they also have the power to heal. Think about what what we tell our children when they're scared:
"It's okay honey, Mommy (or Daddy) is here."
I guess the point of today's blog is simple...and yet so difficult for each of us to grasp. Why is it so hard for us to stop and think before we open our mouths? My greatest wish is that each person who reads this will go out and take what they say more seriously...and pause before uttering something that may change a person's life.
And to those that have been or may be hurt by something I've said or will say...
I'm truly sorry for any and all pain I've caused. While I know I will never be able to erase those words from your memory, I only hope that I may be able to surround them with happier words.
This is a commendable ideal!
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly enough I can remember many more hurtful things being said to me rather than positive ones. Not sure if that is because we as humans remember the severity of pain easier than happiness or what. But there are definitely words that have haunted me, just like everyone. I think its especially important to be careful with what we say to children for this reason. I have always advocated that teachers who work with small children and adolescents be trained in psychology as well as teaching their material.
The nurture is almost as critical as the act of learning in that stage of life.