Do you think the neighbors will pick up my bar tab?

Dear neighbor with the red door,

This is to thank you for the wonderful wake-up this morning. How could you possibly have known that I would much prefer waking up to you singing along to Lady Gaga as opposed to getting kissed awake by the boyfriend? Or did you maybe think that I was already awake due to your incessant need to allow your screen door to slam shut behind you? In either case, I just wanted to let you know that your blatant obliviousness to your neighbors has been noticed. And possibly I shall return the favor the next time I come home in the wee hours of the morning and your house is slumbering peacefully. After all, we wouldn't want me to be greedy, I really should be sharing the love, so to speak.

Sincerely, your seriously annoyed neighbors.


Yes folks, this is how I have been greeting the morning, nearly every day this week. Needless to say, it's getting old and I'm getting cranky. Actually, it was old after day one and I was cranky after the first five minutes but I'm trying not to be quite so whiney here. It's not really working, is it?

On a brighter note, it's Friday morning and I'm sure you're all anxious to see today's list. In preparation for my weekend out with the band and remembering how well that went last weekend, I've decided to honor my coping mechanisms. So everyone grab a tall glass of your favorite cocktail and read along :)


My Top 9 Favorite Alcoholic Beverages


A Beautiful Sunrise



I know the classic drink is a tequila sunrise, but recently (as most of you may have noticed) I've been hooked on my vodka sunrises. It's the same drink, just substituting vodka for the tequila. Which means they go down just a little bit smoother and there's less of a chance of bowing to the porcelain god later. Add ice to a tall glass, 1-2 shots of tequila or vodka depending on your mood, top with orange juice and a few splashes of Grenadine. Garnish with a cherry and maybe an orange slice and enjoy.

Blue U.V. Cran



This is a little twist on the original vodka and cranberry juice. Blue U.V. vodka is blue raspberry flavored. Mixed with cranberry juice it tastes like black cherry Kool-Aid...which is just fantastic by me :) This is a drink that will sneak up on you, though. If it's not made too strong, you can't taste the alcohol and so before you know it, you've had 4 or 5 and things are starting to be warm and fuzzy. Traditionally this is served in the short glass, but I always ask for a tall. Just tell your bartender to substitute Blue U.V. vodka and you're all set.

Screwdrivers



Ah, yes, my old fall back. If I'm out somewhere and they don't have what I'm looking for or I just can't decide on something, I will order this stand-by. Unfortunately, most orange juice that's used in bars is on the bitter side of things and in case you haven't noticed, I like my drinks sweet...that way there's less of a chance of me tasting the alcohol. Therefore, when I'm making this simple drink at home, I make it with Sunny Delight orange juice. It's sweet enough to counteract the harsh taste of cheap vodka. This is also a good one to make for large get togethers since you can pre-mix it in big pitcher and keep it chilled until it's time to pour.

Bahama Mama



There are about a dozen variations of this drink. I'm kind of picky though, so I rarely order this when I'm out, unless I know the bartender. That's because most people like to add a banana or banana liqueur to this drink...and this kat can't stand bananas...in any form. So if we're making this drink for me (and we are, who else would it be for?) it's equal parts dark rum and Malibu coconut rum, top it off with pineapple juice and a dash or two of Grenadine. You can garnish with anything from a pineapple slice to a few cherries, the prettier the better.

Kryptonite



Ah...this one is a doozy. My cousin got me hooked on this drink a few years back. It tastes great, it's pretty cool to look at...and it will knock you on your booty faster than you think. It's made of equal parts Malibu coconut rum, Midori melon liqueur and Bacardi 151 rum, topped off with a splash of pineapple juice and a splash of sweet and sour mix. I'm not kidding when I tell you it glows in the glass just like it's namesake and it's just as lethal. Two of these in the tall form and I'm just past buzzed, add a third and I'm done for the night.

Alabama Slammer




This drink is the only time I will touch whiskey. Whiskey and I have a bad history. Apparently I get mean and a tad violent and I black out. Not exactly my idea of a good time. These tasty drinks mask the flavor of the whiskey enough that I can have a couple without grimacing. It's equal parts of the following: Jack Daniel's, Amaretto almond liqueur, sloe gin, Southern Comfort peach liqueur and orange juice. This is not a drink where you want to substitute Sunny Delight, the Southern Comfort and Amaretto are sweet enough.

Sex on the Beach (minus the sand!)



Mmm...this is such a girly drink and I love it! It's sweet and seductive, sneaking up on me until I'm all warm and fuzzy and all of a sudden there's 6 empty glasses in front of me. It's also one of those drinks that has about a million variations. My favorite version goes like this: 1 and 1/2 parts vodka, 1/2 part peach schnapps, 2 parts cranberry juice and 2 parts orange juice and a splash of Grenadine to top it off. Serve it in one of those curvy glasses with a little umbrella and you're good to go :)

Pina Colada



"Put the lime in da coconut..." Yummy and then you blend it up and drink it down. Blended drinks are one of my favorite things about summer. I'm a cheater when I make this one though. I buy the frozen mix from Bacardi, add Malibu coconut rum, a splash of lime juice and ice and blend. A little trick to jazz it up a bit, add a splash of Grenadine or some of the juice from a jar of Marachino cherries to the bottom of the glass before pouring in the pina colada mix. Garnish with a lime slice and a cherry and relax on the patio.

Strawberry Mango Daiquiris



This was born of Applebee's and therefore I can't in all good conscience take full credit. A few years ago Applebee's introduced their Main Street 'Rita Swirls. These are Sauza Gold frozen margaritas, two different flavors swirled together. I immediately fell in love with the strawberry-mango one and decided that I could learn to make them at home. (They were running 7-10 dollars a pop at Applebee's and I don't care how good a drink is, that's too much money...) So I bought the frozen Bacardi strawberry daiquiri mix, Captain Morgan's mango flavored rum and some mango flavoring syrup. In a blender you mix up the strawberry mix according to the directions provided, substituting in the mango rum. Blend and pour into a glass, adding some of the mango flavoring to taste. This is one of those happy summer drinks. Blend up a big pitcher of them for your next bbq, you'll thank me.


Ah, bliss! See, just the thought of all of my favorite drinks is enough to mellow me out. And in the words of a wise man from my college drinking days, "I am NOT an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings and meetings are for quitters. I am NOT a quitter therefore I am simply a lush." Thank you sir, I always like it when I have a clever excuse for my vices. I am now off to begin the tedious process of taming my mane and getting dolled up for tonight's gig.

I'm out until Monday but I hope you all will have a fantastic weekend, hopefully somewhat liquefied with one or two of the above recipes. Self-medicate responsibly and don't do anything I wouldn't do...or don't do anything I would ;)

Here's to the High Life!

I am a firm believer that a full moon brings out the nutjobs. And yes, before you ask, I do have evidence to support this theory. The quick synopsis of my weekend? I was licked (NOT by the boyfriend), I was hit on by a chick (albeit a cute one, still, I just don't swing that way) and the band got flashed...by a guy...in a dress.

You need a drink now, don't you?

And you're dying to know more, aren't you?

Let's start with Friday night, shall we? I was still a bit cranky from all of my personal drama on Thursday so I decided that drinking was probably not a good idea since it would have only amplified my bitchiness. (Like I need any help in that department...) The night didn't start out so hot, either. There was a friend of a friend of the boyfriend there that reminded me way too strongly of an unfavorable person from my past. Long story short, he made my skin crawl. So I'm cranky and on edge now. Then, during one of the band's breaks, the bass player is introducing me to one of his friends when a strange man comes and shakes my hand, turns it over and kisses the back of it. Which is fine, really...it's happened before, no big deal. Then he proceeds to lick up my arm...at which point I rip my hand away, shocked. Fortunately, before I can either scream or slap the jerk, the bass player steps in for me. Even more fortunately, Miss B showed up shortly there after and kept me company watching the drunk, skanky girls throwing themselves all over our boyfriends. It's a really good thing Miss B came by, in the kind of mood I was in, I was seriously contemplating having a "discussion" with one of the drunk messes that thought it was completely appropriate to hop onto the stage and hurl herself into my boyfriend's arms. Yes, it was one of those nights.

With such a stellar start to the weekend, you would have thought I would have been prepared for Saturday night. Looks like I'm an optimist. Who knew? The gig for Saturday night was in somewhat of a dive which should have given me enough heads up for the night to come. It was, however, a special night. The bar had teamed up with Miller High Life to support our troops. Kudos to the sales rep who worked so hard all night to promote the program :) Cue the cute chick who has decided to practically sit in my lap while I'm trying to take pictures. She was bound and determined that I was going to dance with her, to the point that she went on stage and commandeered a mic to ask me to get up and dance. I was not impressed and only slightly embarrassed. Meanwhile the band is getting a peep show from one very skimpily dressed man. In a dress. At least, I think it was meant to be a dress...but it really looked more like a slightly longer than usual tank top...of the female variety. He was wearing more makeup than I use in a year and had a voice like gravel crunching under tires. I only know this because he took the opportunity to come up, slap me on the back (you would have thought I was choking, he hit me so hard!) and say, "If it won't make your boyfriend too jealous, I'll dance with you." OH. MY. GOD. SERIOUSLY?! Also, I have a question. If you are a man dressed as a female, wouldn't that imply that you're interested in men? And if that's the case, why would you want to dance with me, a female? I'm more than just a little bit confused.

Anywho, at this point I decided to hell with behaving myself and promptly ordered a drink. (Unfortunately, not the martini I was previously contemplating, the bar didn't have Grey Goose.) Miss B joined me and after hearing the brief synopsis decided that she, too, needed a drink. The rest of the night went decently, concluding with the bass player buying a "gravity pitcher" of Miller High Life in support of the cause. It was interesting, to say the least. We ended the night with a group of us having breakfast...at 2am. Which I haven't done since I was in college. It's been a long time since this kat was up past three in the morning.

After such an eventful weekend, was it any surprise that yesterday was declared a lazy day? The boyfriend and I lounged around the house most of the day and it was bliss! And to top it all off, then he takes me out to Olive Garden last night for dinner :) So sweet! It just doesn't get any better than that.

Which brings us back to today and reality. There's work to be done, laundry (I swear, it's NEVER ENDING!) in rotation and date night for the boyfriend and I. Last Comic Standing is on at 9 ;) I hope you all had a great weekend!

**For those of you dying to know, the quote from Friday's post is from The Land Before Time. It's classic :)

"I smell, I smell...Ducky!"

I really want to just crawl back into bed today. I had weird, disjointed dreams and just didn't sleep as soundly as I would have liked. I had a rough evening yesterday, which I'm sure had something to do with the dreams, and quite frankly I'm not in the best of moods this morning. Unfortunately, time doesn't revolve around little ol' me so I suppose I can't spend the day in bed since there's a to-do list sitting here with my name on it. Damn.

Anywho, now that I've whined and bitched, how about moving on to the real reason why I'm here today? It's Friday and it's time for yet another installment in our Top 9 Lists. An interesting little tid-bit about yours truly. I lost part of my hearing when I was about 9 years old. And it is indeed true what they say, the loss (or partial loss, in this case) of one sense can heighten the others. Or maybe I just have a super nose (when my allergies aren't in full swing, that is) but I prefer the first explanation. So, since I decided I needed a little pick-me-up after yesterday, today's list is about my favorite smells.

As always, the lists I create are my own opinions and they are meant only as entertainment. I have no intentions of trying to convince everyone to see my point of view. Not that I don't think that would be AWESOME! but I just don't have that kind of time. I do, however, reach out to my fans/readers to ask for tips as well as hounding my friends into helping with my lists when I'm drawing a mental blank. And so, for the bass player who gave his very valuable insight to today's list, thank you!! Without further ado:


My Top 9 Favorite Smells (these are not in order of importance, mostly because my mind changes depending on my mood)


Guys



There is something about a man who takes time to take care of himself. I don't care if it's body spray, cologne, aftershave, deodorant, scented body wash or just plain old bar soap and shampoo...they all smell great. Mind, you don't need all of them on at the same time...but they all work for me. My guy friends have all gotten used to me hugging them and breathing deep because I love the way a guy smells. Even if he's been working outside all day and is sweaty, that pure male smell mixed with whatever scent he uses is intoxicating. That's right, I get drunk off of Axe and Old Spice ;)

Linen



Sheets (or towels) fresh out of the dryer smell like...home. I don't know how to really explain it better than that. It's clean, soft and still slightly warm and it just breathes comfort. And I know it's not just the smells of my laundry detergent or fabric softener because I'm one of those cheapskates that buys whatever is on sale, so the actual fragrance varies and it all still has the same effect on me. If anyone else can find a better way to describe it, I'm all ears.

Ici perfume by Coty



Hmmm...talk about some memories. I was first introduced to this yummy stuff when I was in high school. My step-sister came back from California where she had spent the summer with her dad and brought this little gem back with her. Since I was maybe 14 at the time, I don't think I had ever worn any actual perfume except for that knock off stuff you could get for 99 cents at Payless. Since my step-sister was nice, she would let me wear a little bit of her Ici if I had a special occasion, like a choir performance (SHUT UP! I KNOW I was a nerd...get over it!) or a date. I have been in love with Ici ever since. It's a little hard to find now, I think Rite-Aid might be the only drugstore I can find it in anymore. And since I've decided that I'm not much of a girly-girl, I don't wear it much these days. But it is still one of my very favorite things to smell.

A Freshly Mown Lawn



As mentioned above, I have ridiculous allergies. Pretty much I'm sneezing all year round. One of my triggers is grass, just one sniff and I will be sneezing for days, eyes watering...the whole she-bang. As bad as all that is, I absolutely adore the smell of a fresh cut lawn. It's a clean, summery smell that makes me smile. It reminds me of playing outside as a kid, pouncing around on the front lawn. If only we could all be 8 again....SIGH.

Baking



It doesn't matter what you're baking. Cookies, blueberry muffins, a cake, cinnamon rolls, or -my absolute favorite- homemade bread. YUM! The fabulous scents fill the house and will bring a smile to every one's face. Really, if you can frown when someone is baking you probably should seek professional help because there's nothing I can do for you. I like to bake when I know the boyfriend needs a smile and it works everytime. The other day it was white chocolate and macadamia cookies. They were divine, by the way. And this weekend it will be caramel cinnamon rolls, since we both need a smile. I don't know about you all, but that's some pretty cheap therapy right there.

Love Spell by Victoria's Secret



I once had a guy tell me that Love Spell reminded him of Fruit Roll-ups. I don't know if it's a good thing to smell like after-school snacks but I haven't had any complaints yet. Personally, I prefer the body butter to the lotion or body spray but I love the scent no matter what. It's sweet without being overpowering, a little fruity without making you smell like bubble gum. Of course, if you don't like smelling like snack food, maybe it's not for you...

Popcorn



Hot, buttered, salty popcorn. Excuse me while I wipe the drool from my chin. When I was younger, J's mom managed the local movie theater. This, of course, meant that the grandkids got some freebies. If we helped clean out the theaters after a show, we could see a free movie, popcorn and soda's were on the house. (Gotta love cheap child labor!) So from a very young age I developed a love for popcorn. The smell of it cooking is nearly as intoxicating as baking. Actually, it's probably right on par since I'm one of those weird people who like to pair salty items with sweet ones. What's better than smelling popcorn popping and cookies in the oven? Oh lord, I think I just gained 5 pounds thinking about it!

Campfire



This might be revealing a bit more of that tom-boy side of me. Something about wood burning peacefully (that's right, NOT talking about arson or burning crosses here) relaxes me almost as much as a bubble bath. It's that smoky smell mixed with a little of nature. And trying to describe it accurately is clearly escaping me. So maybe you'll just go out and experience it for yourselves? It is, after all, the perfect season for it.

Coffee



The best part of waking up is Folger's in your cup. Okay, I don't know about that. I'm actually not a big coffee drinker. Mostly because I don't like the taste of coffee. I know, I know, I must be a freak. Get over it. I like the smell of coffee brewing just fine and the kick it gives is great but it has to have mass quantities of sugar and creamer present for me to actually drink it. Since that's too much for me to manage in the morning, I don't really get to smell coffee brewing. If only I could find a coffee scented candle or something...or maybe I can win the lottery and have a Dutch Brother's built next to my kitchen. That would be nice...


Ah. And here we are. Another Friday evening is ahead with me doing the transformation from "erstwhile writer decked in sweats" to "rock star's girlfriend sporting a band T and jeans". I need a quick change telephone booth. Does anyone know where Superman got his? Maybe I should check E-bay...

As you may have guessed, it's another busy weekend. I've got quite a bit on my plate but I'm hoping to have some of it cleared off by Monday and maybe to have some good news to share with you by then as well. Keep your fingers crossed for me fans, this could be the break I've been hoping for!

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend, full of fun times, great friends and good drinks. Maybe try out a Grey Goose Martini, a little on the dirty side? I got the idea from Sara and I'm thinking it sounds fabulous after the week I've had! Until Monday, Ciao!

**F.Y.I. In case you were wondering, today's title is a line from a movie I adored as a kid. Kudos to anyone who can comment and tell me the title:)

Go forth and do my bidding and all will be right with the world.

An interesting thing happened during my pissed off cleaning fit on Sunday. I was sorting through a box that has become my catch-all. Instead of a "junk drawer" I have shoe boxes that fill up with all sorts of things that I think I need to keep...but later realize I don't need at all. Anywho, I was sorting through said box and stumbled across a few treasures among the receipts and random scraps of paper.

Amidst the pile of recyclables was a book that was given to me last fall. I know what you're thinking..how could I have possibly shoved a book into a box? Well, it's not really that kind of book. It's called Listography: Your Life in Lists.



The funny thing about this book is that it's all lists. Just a book of lists. Anybody else seeing some similarities? Every Friday I log on and eagerly post yet another list for my readers...and yet I had this glorious book hiding away with loads of lists that I've already worked on. And no, now is not the point where you jump in and tell me what an idiot I am.

The real reason I'm telling you all of this isn't so you'll laugh at my forgetfulness. While reading through this book of lists I found something very interesting. There is a list titled "List Your Life 'To Do' List" and I had made a few entries. (The lists are pre-labeled with blank pages in the back to make your own lists.) One of the entries on this list is: "Start a blog/website". And here is the shocker...I stopped writing in this book around Halloween last year. It wasn't that I wasn't interested anymore, just that I had other things that were taking up more of my time. So how cool is it that I completed something off of my "To Do" list without remembering it was on there to begin with?

Okay, I realize some of you might not think it's that big of a deal. The thing is, I've been making "To Do" lists for as long as I can remember and I've only yet marked off a handful of items. Life and other stuff just gets in the way. To have this accomplishment, however small it might be in another's eyes, is huge for me. And not only that I've started the blog...but that I've stuck with it for 7 months and running. It's so easy to give up on something when you don't see immediate results or when you find out it's a little tougher than you first expected. This time I didn't. And that's a HUGE DEAL for me.

And so I now suggest this book for all of my fellow writers, or really, for any one. It's kind of cathartic to analyze your life from this unique standpoint. And who knows? You might just find out a few things about yourself that you didn't know...or complete a few goals :)

You'll find the book here:


And don't worry, there's no need to thank me ;)

I'm up and fed...or am I fed up?

Once again it's Monday morning and once again I'm more than slightly relieved the weekend is behind me. I know I've whined about Mondays in the past, but I'm starting to realize that I actually like how Monday morning is like a mini New Year's Day for me. I have begun to wake up and be excited about the week ahead of me and all too willing to put the previous week firmly in the past. Maybe it stems from my feeling the need to do these weekend updates for you all. It's almost like journal writing...except that I actually want other people to read this.

Anywho, I digress...let's rewind to Friday, shall we?

You know those days when you tell yourself "I should have just stayed in bed this morning." ? Friday was something like that. I just couldn't seem to get anything to work right for me the first time around. Hence, I was still rushing around getting ready when the boyfriend came home from work. Oh, and did I mention that I stepped on a piece of glass on the way to the shower? OUCH! That should have been my clue there that the night was not going to be the best. The gig went...well, it went. The band kinda had an "off" night. I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later, but I really didn't like it. The boyfriend and I packed up and came home in almost record time. (Although, I'm sure it helped that it was a back to back gig this weekend, so they didn't have to tear down completely.)

Saturday found me unable to settle to any one task and so nothing really got accomplished. The second gig went much better though, whatever was "off" on Friday was definitely back "on" for Saturday. Of course, it didn't hurt that both of my ladies came out Saturday night :) Miss J and Miss B can always take the funk off of any day. Also the Vodka Sunrises were flowing and there was just a general feeling of letting loose and having a great time. I drank a tad too much, danced (which I NEVER do) and screamed until my throat was raw. The boyfriend and I shared a rare slow dance which would have made my whole night even if it had been a repeat of Friday. Since it was a great night, it was the perfect cherry on top :)

Sunday was a wash. I refuse to rant like an angry you-know-what since I dealt with it yesterday and don't really want to re-hash the emotions. Let's just say that a LOT of cleaning got done. Which begs the question...is it only girls that clean when they're pissed? I've only ever known two guys who also have this compulsion. The boyfriend is not one of them, which is good. I don't know if I could handle two of me, I can barely handle one. LOL. Anyway, I got some mindless cleaning done and then decided to make a batch of breakfast burritos for a late dinner. I made a few extra for a quick breakfast this morning, which proved fortuitous since the boyfriend was running a few minutes late. Breakfast on the go, yay!

There it is. It's Monday morning and I'm up, fed, and full of all kinds of inspiration to make some big changes in my life. And I suppose that means that I should sign off and get going or nothing will be done. I hope all of my readers had a great weekend. And if you didn't, maybe you also got some cleaning done?

Where exactly is the funny bone located?

Well hello again Friday. I could remark upon your sneakiness but you didn't catch me unawares this week. I knew you were coming, I just didn't plan accordingly. Quite simply put, I procrastinated, like I do best.

Today's list was a struggle for me and I'm not entirely sure why. It could be that my mind is consumed with upcoming plans or potential changes on the horizon...but it could also be that my mind is just a little befuddled with the remnants of Moscato from last night. I'm choosing to let you all decide what my problem may be. I'm very generous like that.

However, after trying on and discarding numerous ideas for today's list, I have finally come to a decision and I have to give a nod to my girl Violet for the help ;) Hopefully she reads this and smiles, if not...well, I tried, didn't I?

Violet and I briefly discussed comedy this morning and our little conversation sparked the idea for today's list. So, Miss Violet, here's my list of favorite comedians. I hope you enjoy!


My Top 9 Favorite Funny Guys (no, I am not sexist...okay, maybe I am)


Adam Sandler



I know I've mentioned Mr. Sandler a time or two before, but that should only go to show you that I hold him in high regards. (NOT that I repeat myself...) Adam has some of that "good-ole-boy" humor mixed in with a charming smile that reminds you of the class clown that you secretly had a crush on in high school. Billy Madison,The Waterboy, Happy Gilmore or his characters from Saturday Night Live, it doesn't matter to me, they all make me laugh and smile.

Robin Williams



Ah...Mr. Williams, how you tickle my funny bone. I would have to say, though, that I much prefer Robin's stand-up to his movies. I do love his movies...but they don't make me fall over laughing like his stand-up does. Ever seen his bit about Viagra? Or the invention of golf?

Gabriel Iglesias



OMG! This guy will make me snort liquid! I don't know what exactly it is about him, but I've loved him from the start. Maybe it's because I sense a kindred spirit. I won't give you my life story (that's for another blog) but I used to be super (ridiculously so) skinny and now...well, not so much. I don't know if I'd call myself fat, or even chubby...but I'm definitely a part of the fluffy crowd now. Gabriel finds a way to make it funny and accepted...without really making it the butt of the joke. And his voices are hilarious!

Chris Rock



I know some people think he's a bit too brash or don't like that he swears...a lot. And, yeah, he kinda yells instead of talking. But he's funny. He does sarcasm better than most comics out there and since I happen to be a bit of a sarcastic brat myself, (You don't say?!) I like him.

Jim Carrey



Who doesn't love Ace? Or Lloyd for that matter? And if you don't, maybe you should not be reading this...we probably will have many more differences of opinion. I love humor that involves world happenings or current events, that has adult context or is even just plain vulgar. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, you just need some childish, immature humor. And that's where comics like Jim Carrey (and the aforementioned Adam Sandler) come in. "Tell the fat lady she's on in five."

Jeff Dunham



Who'd-a-thunk I would ever like a ventriloquist? Seriously, before Jeff, the whole idea just kinda struck me as creepy. You know, grown men, playing with dolls? Or worse, it brought to mind Lambchop and then I would get that annoying song stuck in my head and I would be miserable. But then Mr. Dun-ham-dot-com came along and blew all of my assumptions out of the water. I don't know if I would wish schizophrenia on anyone, but his different personalities are fantastic!

Ron White



Actually...I like all of the Blue Collar Comedy guys. The name really says it all, it's the working man's type of humor. They talk about everyday stuff that the average person can relate to. And if that's not the golden ticket right there...well then someone should probably alert Mr. Wonka. However, the difference when it comes to Ron White is that he brings a bit of that vulgar, adult content to the table that makes it less family comedy and more...well, you know.

Lewis Black



Mr. Black is the voice that chimes in the recesses of my mind, ruthlessly commenting on the underbelly of society so that I am forced to contemplate the inadequacies of humanity. The fact that he also makes a living from his perceptions of the human race is just another point in his favor in my book. If only I could follow in his divine footsteps...

Chris Farley



Last, but most certainly not least, we have Mr. Farley. Chris was one of those guys that worked better feeding off of others. His stint on Saturday Night Live was one of my favorite periods of the show. Of course, it didn't hurt that Adam Sandler was on during those years either ;) I'm always sad when I hear of a celebrity's death but I was truly heartbroken over Chris's departure. Who now will dance for us in his little coat?

There it is folks...my favorite guys who make me laugh. Well...besides the boyfriend, because we all know that him making me laugh is so much more important :) And on that note, I should probably get my booty in gear and get ready for his gig tonight. It wouldn't do him justice at all to show up in my pajamas.

I hope you all have a fantastical weekend, full of sunshine and good times. Mine promises to be crazy busy as always but I wouldn't trade it for anything! Until Monday...

Sainthood is just around the corner...

Ugh..when did I start looking forward to Monday's?

As you can probably imagine (since I failed to blog on Friday...) my weekend was nuts. And not all of it was enjoyable. I'll apologize to all of my male readers in advance...don't say I didn't warn you.

Friday should have dawned with me up and at 'em, ready to write and make everyone laugh with my witty remarks. Instead, Friday morning found me huddled over in bed, cursing the fates for making me female. I don't get riddled with cramps much anymore since I changed BC methods...but when I do, it's not pretty. Remember how I don't make a good patient? Yeah, that applies to this scenario as well. And since I don't have a laptop yet, I couldn't very well blog about my angered discomfort from bed. And so you all missed out...I'm sorry.

However, I did drag myself out of bed to go to Friday night's gig. I know, I know, I'm such a martyr. Seriously, one of my goals for my life is to one day make the Calendar of Saints. It could happen...you never know. I wonder what my saint name would be? Hmmm.... And I digress. The gig was great, as always and Miss J was there, sharing in my female anguish so we had a few drinks and whined together. You'd be amazed at how much better it feels to not be alone in your misery.

Saturday morning was spent working for a few hours and then home to shower and get ready for the next gig. Saturday night's gig was another outdoor one, so it was jeans and a t-shirt, nothing special. I was still hurting but was able to walk without being all limpy and stuff. Miss J didn't join us since her man was playing with his other band that night, but Miss B was there :) It was an interesting night, to be sure. Another one of those emotional roller coasters that I'm not fond of, but hopefully something great will come of it...I'll keep you in the dark about it until I know more. I don't want to get my hopes up until I know for sure :)

Sunday morning I woke with a stuffy head and pain in my left ear :( Sometimes I'm sure I'm cursed. So yesterday was spent...you guessed it, back in bed, this time attempting to fight off an ear infection without going to the hospital. (I don't have insurance, I really don't want to go unless I absolutely have to...) Since I wasn't running a fever, I figured I was probably okay with just doing the home remedy type routine. Lots of ibuprofen and rest. I'm feeling about the same today so I don't know if it helped or not. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

And here we are, back to our blessed Monday morning. And now that I've entertained you all with my tales of pain and woe, I'm off to crawl my whiney ass back to bed. And if any of my faithful readers have some suggestions for home remedies, please feel free to share in the comments. They will not come amiss, I promise you. Anything that doesn't involve me going to a doctor who will charge massive amounts of funds just to write me a prescription for antibiotics. I'm too broke for that kind of nonsense.

Alrighty, back to bed for me, I'm rambling and there's a ringing in my ears that I don't think is associated with the construction going on next door. Until next time...

Childhood...and other terrifying events

Lord have mercy on my tired self...but I'm back! And yes, I know, I know I promised to be back yesterday. But funny little thing, I forgot how exhausting vacations can be...and how much there is to do when you get back. So...are you all ready for a fantastical weekend update?

Let's see...I signed off on Friday and spent the rest of the day running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Running to the grocery store for snacks for the trip, a few errands that couldn't be postponed until this week and then a wonderful (and unexpected) evening with my family. My mom and step-dad called to say they would be passing through town. So off to dinner with them and my lil man :)

Saturday morning was more of the same, rushing around trying not to forget anything. I had lunch with the family again before they headed back home and then I came home to finish packing. Have I mentioned how much I despise packing? I'm always positive I'm going to forget something and so I make a dozen lists and check and re-check them...and I still forget something. Anywho, the plan was to get to bed early so we could be well-rested for our drive the following morning. We didn't get to bed until almost 2am. What is that thing about the best laid plans?

It's Sunday morning and now we're on the road after a little delay and stopping for coffee and gas. We've got the CD's on shuffle and we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed all excited for our first little vacation together. We make it all the way to the hotel with ease...and then, as we turn into the parking lot, the boyfriend looks at me and says:

"That's the last time I use Priceline.com."

Yeah...on the outside, it was a total dive complete with sketchy looking "long-termer's" BBQing on a micro Weber in the parking lot. But we check in and get to our room which is clean, has a decent bed and a hot shower which is all I really need. We unload the car and rest a bit before cleaning up and heading over to the venue for the party. I won't bog you down with all of the details...but it was AWESOME! There was a BBQ, the boyfriend and his best friend performed a few songs, they had mid-way games and capped it all off with the best personal fireworks show I have EVER seen.

Monday was more of the same, basically feeling like I had reverted back to childhood. I kinda liked it :) We joined the best friend and his family at one of those "Family Fun Centers" and ran around like a bunch of 7 year-olds. The boyfriend and I played skee-ball and yes, I did jump up and down when I beat him. And then he came back to beat me 2 out of 3 games. I got to hold the baby (she's only 6 weeks old, I felt sooooooo spoiled!) so that the lil mama (the best friend's wife), the best friend and the boyfriend could do the bumper cars.

Tuesday was check out day and our circular route back home. We stopped off to have lunch with one of my girl friends and then off to Smith Rock State Park for a look at Monkey Face Rock. And then we took the scenic route home, through McKenzie Pass in the Cascades. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! Oh my gosh! It was like the mountains were close enough to touch. I even slightly conquered one of my fears by climbing to the top of the observatory. 5325 feet, give or take a few inches, and all that's supporting me is a pile of lava rock...yeah, I was TERRIFIED! But it was exhilarating at the same time. After a stop to have dinner with another girl friend we trudged home and reluctantly unloaded the car.

The thing about vacations is that you always need another vacation afterwards. I've been home two complete days and I still have piles of laundry to do, I'm only partially unpacked and I'm behind on my writing. UGH! As wonderfully fantastical as our weekend away was, I am glad to be home again. Yesterday was spent at the grocery store (we had snacks left over from the trip, but no actual food in the house...), running errands that I had put off from last week and trying not to die from heat stroke.

And now that the dryer has just buzzed at me, it is time to go rotate the laundry so that I can have clean clothes for this weekend...pretty sure it's still illegal to go out naked. Damn.

My heart bleeds Red, White and Blue

T minus 45 hours and this girly will be running away! Can you all tell that I'm slightly excited? I'm practically tap dancing around the house. However, I have not forgotten about you in the midst of all of the packing and chaos that precedes any trip. I was wishy-washy about what today's list would be. At first I thought it should have something to do with the upcoming holiday. And then I thought no, I would make a list about vacations since I'm running away. And then I changed my mind yet again. Sometimes I am such a chick...

Anywho...since it is almost the holiday I feel that I really should pay homage to our great country. And so today's list will be a little shorter ;) My four favorite things for the 4th of July. A bit too corny? Oh well! Enjoy!

Top 4 Favorite Things About Independence Day (the actual day, not the movie...)


***Fireworks***



I know this is on probably every body's list. There's just something about staring up at the night sky "ooohing" "and aahhing" that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside. Whether you're lighting off your own at a BBQ or in the back yard or if you're sitting in the park watching a city-wide show, it's mesmerizing.

***4th of July Movies***



Quite possibly one of the greatest fictional speeches of allllllllll time. But really, there are a lot of independence or Independence Day themed movies. Glory, Born on the Fourth of July, The Patriot, and 1776 just to name a few.

***Camping/BBQ's/Vacations***



To me, BBQ's are the epitome of summer. Whether it's in the back yard with your family or around a campsite with friends or even on vacation with someone special, it's the essence of summertime. The sun shining, everyone in bright, light clothes, food aplenty in the form of burgers, hot dogs and salads. Seriously, what could be much better than that? Watermelon, kids playing, water fights to ward off the heat...ah...memories.

***Parades***



I've maybe mentioned before how I was a military brat growing up and how this has had a profound effect on how I view the world. I have the utmost respect for America's armed forces. Mainly because I know what it takes to be a soldier...and because I know that I don't have what it takes. I can't be that self-less but I'm very grateful to those who are. 4th of July parades always make me smile because they are a visual outpouring of that pride and support that our troops need. A recognition of why this country is so great and what or who keeps it that way. No matter what you think of our government or leaders, everyone takes a moment and salutes the people who give their lives so we can sit and blow things up, grill food and celebrate. That overwhelming show of patriotism gives me hope that not all is lost in this great nation. And it warms my heart.


There you have it, gang, the 4 best things about the 4th of July. I'm off to finish packing now, but I leave you with this:



Have a great holiday weekend. Celebrate however you choose to do it best, whether it's with friends, family or by yourself. And if it's not too much to ask...at some point during your day, take a moment to stop and offer up a salute to those who are fighting for our right to party. I'm off til Wednesday folks...when I will return with tales of my mini vacation and an extra special weekend update.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!